Lt. Cmdr. Alabama Picard (no relation1) here, reporting for duty. I'm a science officer assigned to the hydroponics bay of the Federation starship USS Murgatroid. I don't care what you say I look like; my physical appearance is a result of an accident known as the "GBA," and you will call me "sir." And comments regarding my "rack," "headlights," "etheric beam locators" or any similar disrespectful term referring to my chest will result in assignment to compost maintenance.
Although they are nice, aren't they?
1. I am required to say that according to Starfleet Regulation 40.dd